Established Betrayers of Women expressed disappointment today at the decision by the New York chapter of the feminist organization NOW to crown relative newcomer Senator Ted Kennedy the “Ultimate Betrayer of Women.”
NY-NOW made their decision yesterday, after Kennedy endorsed the presidential campaign of penis-having Barack Obama instead of vagina-having Hillary Clinton. Kennedy’s endorsement was, according to NY-NOW President Marcia Pappas, both “the ultimate betrayal” and “the greatest betrayal” to women everywhere.
NY-NOW’s statement has been greeted with varying degrees of surprise and anger by other members of the female-oppression community.
A representative of King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia issued a short statement saying that “King Abdullah understands why NY-NOW felt compelled to award Senator Kennedy this title. He would like to extend his congratulations to Senator Kennedy on behalf of the Saudi government and other oppressors of women everywhere.” However, a close associate of the king’s has told Wrongingrights exclusively that this statement is a brave mask for the king’s bitter disappointment. “Poor Abdie is devastated. He knew that it might not be enough that his courts ordered a gang-rape victim imprisoned and given 200 lashes, but he thought that going after her lawyer too, thereby discouraging attorneys from representing future rape victims, would really clinch it for him.” However, observers have noted, the king lost a great deal of Betrayer “street cred” when he pardoned the young woman, demonstrating that his betrayals “lack follow-through.”
Many observers of the Ultimate-Betrayer race thought that if electoral politics turned out to be this year’s “hot” betrayal, then the title might go to Valeriano Lopez. Mr. Lopez, the Deputy Mayor of Santa Maria Quiegolani, Mexico, has gained notoriety recently for his bold decision to crush female suffrage in his town by tearing up votes for a female candidate for mayor. His rationale is that only citizens can vote, and possession of a Y chromosome is a prerequisite for citizenship. Some commentators have hinted that the decision to pass over Mr. Lopez in favor of Kennedy might be based in racism, noting that Lopez had committed himself far more seriously to limiting women’s political participation.
Lopez, however, remains sanguine about his prospects in the future. “I am pleased that NY-NOW has recognized the important role that denying political participation plays in the global Betrayal of Women movement,” he said through an interpreter, going on to say that “I will be travelling to the United States to support the Obama campaign alongside Senator Kennedy as my brother in this struggle. I believe that support for the Obama campaign may have become a new “litmus test” for Betrayers everywhere, but it is one that I am more than capable of meeting.”
More experienced Betrayers of Women were less positive. Former Liberian President Charles Taylor, when contacted in his jail cell in The Hague, accused Pappas of having “the memory capacity of a goldfish,” and wondered if his record -which includes ordering his troops to kidnap, imprison, rape, torture, mutilate, enslave, and murder thousands of women during wars in Sierra Leone and Liberia- would ever receive the recognition it deserves. “Who can compete with me? I mean, how many women has that c*cksucker Kennedy ever killed? One, maybe. And that was never even proven! WEAK.”
When pressed, Taylor did reluctantly concede that he, too, would be willing to campaign for Obama in the hope of winning the title in future years. “He can use my slogan if he wants,” said Taylor, apparently referring to the refrain of “He killed my Ma, he killed my Pa, I’ll vote for him!” that echoed through Freetown shortly before he won a controversial election there.
Women’s groups, when contacted for comment, were reluctant to speak, explaining that “we’re still waiting for NY-NOW to tell us what Women’s reaction is.”
