Remember a couple of weeks ago when Amanda and I suggested that the key to raising the profile of your pet human rights issue is to convince the public that it is caused by overconsumption of a consumer good? We offered up “leggings, noise-canceling headphones, handlebar mustaches, and ironic burlesque” as lifestyle items as-yet-unassociated with the violation of anyone’s right to life, liberty, or the pursuit of whatever.
Sadly for those of you who may still have been weighing the benefits of blaming maternal mortality in Burkina Faso on handlebar mustaches vs. capri-length leggings, you’ve just lost an option. (Perhaps consider a female reproductive health tie in with Apple’s unfortunately-menstrual-sounding iPad, instead?) Leggings have just commenced a daring bid to get themselves off of the “potentially rights-violative hipster luxury goods” list and onto the “buying this crap makes you a better person” list (along with t-shirts, thong underwear, jewelry, and pet-food bowls).
With the help of Lindsay Lohan, the leggings pictured on the right are going to save the children of Haiti. If your response to this is “gah, but… why?” then I invite you to consider the final sentence of the product description:
“This stretch Silver Poly Spandex legging looks amazing under a mini dress or alone as a sexy pant!”
Our girl Lindsay has spent the last several years of her life fighting a losing battle to convince the world that leggings are pants. A zillion paparazzi shots of herself with woefully inadequate leg/ass coverings didn’t do the trick, but maybe, just maybe, strategically leveraging the tragic plight of Haiti’s child earthquake victims will. Clever move, Lohan.
P.S. Legging aren’t pants. They just aren’t.
P.P.S. Hattip to alert reader Monique Whitaker.