Republicans Reap Benefits of Innovative Plan to Employ Incompetent Lawyers by Electing Them to Congress

We are shockingly tardy in bringing you this important newsflash, but here it is:

Representative Louis Gohmert (R-TX) of “least-endowed member of Congress” and “inadvisably stealing shit from much larger members of Congress” fame has introduced the ‘Giving Inmate Terrorists More Opportunities (GITMO) Act of 2008.’

The bill purports to be a response to the Supreme Court’s decision in Boumediene, which it describes as “an obvious effort on the part of the Supreme Court to micromanage the detainment and disposition of detainees in the War on Terror who are dedicated to destroying innocent people and the American way of life.” It directs the Secretary of Defense to transfer the Guantanamo detainees to D.C. and, with the help of Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, to “provide shelter for the detainees outside the United States Supreme Court building, but on the building grounds.”

The GITMO Act also specifies that “[i]f any of the nine Supreme Court justices desire at any time to stand guard over the prisoners, or to provide the prisoners with their meals or water, or both, then the justices shall be permitted to perform these functions whenever they want.” Oh, and the detainees get to use the Supreme Court restrooms.

We haven’t got much to say about this other than: “Gee, it sure is nice that our congressmen get to use our nation’s resources to fulfill their thwarted comedic ambitions.” That and, “wow, this is hellza unconstitutional!” Like, old school unconstitutional (1792, baby!). We guess Rep. Gohmert wasn’t paying attention the day his Con Law class covered the fact that Congressional delegation of non-judicial functions to the courts is a violation of separation of powers?

Amanda and Kate

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